Quotable quotes (not really)

Collected from my time at Subway. This list is not exhaustive; it's just what I can remember right now. I will undoubtedly add more in the future.

Customer: "Does the steak have any chicken in it?"
Me: "No mate, it's steak. You know, beef? Moo?"

Customer: "What's in your chicken strips?"
Me: "It's actually rhinoceros, we just call it chicken to throw people off"

Customer: "Can I have the new superlaki [meaning souvlaki] sub?"
Me: "Sure, what super-bread would you like that in?"

Customer: "I'll have all the salads thanks, except the Filipinos [meaning jalapenos]."
Me: "Okay, what about the Samoans and the Fijians?"

Customer: "Is there any meat in your veggie patties?"
Me: "Yes, it's really just one giant slab of beef"

Customer: "Oh, I'll have the lean chicken thanks; I'm trying to watch my weight. Oh, could I have extra cheese please?"

[After close]
Customer: "Are you closed?"
Me: "No, our lights are off and I'm locking the door because we're just opening."

[Some customers have just climbed over a barrier on the side of the shop]
Me: "We have a front door you know."
Customer: "Oh, we didn't see it...oops."