Tas-mania

Photos may be put up in the future...don't hold your breath (even if you want to commit suicide because you'll just pass out and start breathing again, you incompetent depressed fools).

Hello again my loyal followers, I am back, from Tasmania if you didn't already know or if you couldn't guess from the title of this post.

Anyway, just to get all of you up to speed I left for Tasmania last Saturday night with my family, arriving on Sunday morning and stayed there for 7 nights, meaning that I arrived home on Monday morning (catching the Sunday night ship out). Our itinerary was basically:

Saturday->Sunday: Home -> Devonport
Sunday: Cradle mountain
Monday: Cradle mountain -> Queenstown
Tuesday: Strahan -> Hobart
Wednesday: Hobart (Tahune Airwalk & Huon trail)
Thursday: Hobart (Port Arthur)
Friday: Hobart -> Swansea -> Bicheno
Saturday: Launceston (Cataract Gorge)
Sunday: Launceston -> Georgetown -> Beauty Point (Seahorse World) -> Devonport
Monday: Home!

I went to Tasmania with no expectations whatsoever, having heard generally positive things about the place. I must say however, that the Tasmanic landscapes, with rolling hills and lush greens, dotted with the occasional moo, baa and whinny, really took my breath away. The mountainscapes were beautiful as well, with fantastic views but also hard treks up sheer cliffs to access them. Even my dad freaked out a bit when driving up totally barren mountainsides with naught between us and a steep drop but a single metal barrier. Needless to say I possessed not one shred of fear. I was also asleep, but that's beside the point.

There was one glaring absence from all this, however: people. For some reason, Tasmaniacs seem not to like the night, and tend to stay at home during this time. In fact, you wouldn't even know that you were in the city centre if it weren't for the big neon signs, the obscenely early Christmas decorations and the multitude of (closed) shops. Food was not always easy to find, especially at lunch times, and there were many a time we had to suffer famine in search of a place to have a decent meal.

Another noticeable absence in Tasmania was a TV station. They didn't have a separate Channel Seven and Ten, instead having a merger called "Southern Cross". How this worked is beyond me, for they were without such quality shows as The Simpsons and...well that's all that comes to mind at the moment but HOW DO YOU GROW WITHOUT THE SIMPSONS? I know I certainly would not be the man I am today without the influence of this greatest of great shows.

I won't go into too much detail about where we went and what we saw (and I tell you we saw many strange things on our trip, like the giant three-headed...oh you'll see it if you go there). Needless to say it was a fun trip for the whole family!

Wayland's Laws of Food Dynamics

Here's something a little closer to heart. In reality these should be titled "Laws of Wang", but I feel "Wang" is a bit too generic and carries too many connotations.



Law the First (Snacks Law):

The amount of snacking a diner does between meals is directly proportional to the quality of food to be served at the next meal. This ensures that the diner will be full by the time a very delicious meal is served and so cannot enjoy it to its fullest extent.


Law the Second (Eating Inertia):

Once a diner starts eating, he/she cannot stop eating lest he/she feels full. Hence, immediately after a serving of food, if a diner procures seconds then by the time he/she starts eating said seconds he/she will no longer feel hungry and therefore not be able to finish their food.


Law the Third (Hunger Variation):

Hunger is inversely proportional to quantity of food. A diner will always be hungry enough such that the amount of food available either is insufficient for satiation or much exceeding his/her limits. The point of inflection is derived by complex mathematical formula based on the diner's profile and a Universal Eating Constant (ζ) .


Law the Fourth (Inverse Eating Law, a.k.a. Food Karma):

The enjoyment level of any given meal is directly proportional to the acidity of that meal's remains when excreted, and hence is inversely proportional to the level of enjoyment of time spent in the toilet. An important consequence of this law is that the same meal when experienced differently by different diners or even at different times, will likely produce varying results.


Law the Fifth (Dessert Expansion):

There is always perceived to be room for dessert. However, the perception can be a gastric illusion such that the diner does not actually have room for dessert, and so will greatly regret having dessert, although this will not make the diner think that he/she does not actually have room for dessert at the subsequent meal.


Law the Sixth (All-you-can-eat Amnesia):

No matter how bloated and hence utterly crap a diner feels after a session at an All-you-can-eat restaurant, he/she will not remember how bad an experience it was. So, no matter how much painful death a diner wishes upon him-/herself following a meal, he/she will not hesitate to return to that restaurant and eat just as much as previously.


Law the Seventh (Fluctuating Flatulence):

No matter the food consumed, flatulence will always arise at the most inopportune moments, and the discreetness of this flatulence will be inversely proportional to the importance of the interrupted event.




That's all for now.

Study in C# Minor

In books of study I asphyxiate,
With no ambition of high achievement.
This to people I willingly relate,
For I surely need drastic improvement.

Learning of the brain makes me quite hungry,
Yet I realise I must not leave my post.
Endocrine organs just make me angry,
Yet of my knowledge I do wish to boast.

Sitting in my chair on this blist'ring day,
I can't seem to focus, much less imbibe.
In due time, for my squand'rance I shall pay.
Too bad the faculty is closed to bribe.

Ah, the pangs of being chained to my desk,
I might as well attempt the arabesque!